Buckle up; it’s going to get bumpy! Here’s my latest stream of consciousness. As I was sitting at my desk thinking about the A-Z blog challenge, and what I would write for the letter E, I looked to my left and saw some of my tax forms, specifically E-file instructions. I looked ahead to the digital news story at the Providence Journal (Projo) website about a $1.74 million traffic safety grant awarded to the State of Rhode Island, and I let it fly from there!

I then started thinking about e-file error codes, and IRS category codes, which got me thinking for more time than I care to remember on how the IRS couldn’t care less about my name, address, or even my social security number for that matter anymore. It would seem that all they need to identify me these days is my previous year’s AGI (Adjusted Gross Income) number. This got me thinking about inventing a fictitious blog character named “E-File Eddy” who would turn out to be an ultra hip IRS agent on the move (can’t wait to see how that turns out). He could advance my letter E blog, all the while answering my crazy IRS questions.  I’ll work on him later, otherwise I will never finish this blog.

I then began to look up more IRS codes and got a few eye openers on the way. I stumbled upon the tax-exempt codes for organizations. Here are a few;

285

Women’s club; Note: Garden club (use 356)

N50, S81

What, no code for Mens clubs, and they’re banned from gardening”

528

Stricter law enforcement

I01

So enforcement has differently levels……yea, maybe, but where is the code for “lenient law enforcement?”

354

Preservation of scenic beauty

C20 – C99

Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder, it’s in the discretion of the IRS.

522

Anti-communism

R60

Gotta be a busy tax season for the “Roosky Hunters” with Comrade Putin run amok.

539

Prohibition of erotica

R63

I had to look up the definition of this one? Anti pornography. According to Forbes magazine; Porn is a $14 Billion annual “industry.” The “anti” side may need a few more codes.

Finally; the money shot!

924

Traffic or tariff bureau

W22

Back to the story on the traffic grant: It breaks down like this…..Compliments of the Projo.

The Rhode Island Division of Highway Traffic Safety will receive:

* $789,086 to reduce traffic safety problems resulting from impaired driving, including driving under the influence of alcohol.

* $353,546 to support driver and passenger safety programs that reduce the incidence of highway deaths or injuries of individuals unrestrained or improperly restrained.

* $310,261 to improve the timeliness, accuracy, completeness, uniformity, integration, and accessibility of traffic data.

* $24,893 to support motorcyclist safety training and awareness programs.

Wow, Friday and Saturday nights, Police hiding behind seatbelt awareness billboards which by the way happen to say “Click it or Ticket” or ‘Motorcycles Are Everywhere” and  they’re busting kids coming out of clubs. $1.74 Million for that? “Hold Me!!”

I’m going to start my own Traffic Tax Exempt organization……..and I’ll do it for far less. Here’s a few of my “preservation of traffic beauty” guidelines you commie pinkos  (just practicing some “Anti-Communism in case the traffic gig fails).

1. If the speed limit is 55, and the car in front of you is going 70, you’re not allowed to come within 3 inches of his bumper doing 80, and flash your high beams so he’ll pull over.

2. At no time are women….or men, allowed to drive, especially in rush hour traffic, and  operated that metal eyelash straightening contortion device.

3. If you want to change lanes on the interstate, you can’t do it driving 25 MPH and cross in front of an 18 wheeler doing 70 at the last minute.

Thank you, thank you; that will be $1.6 million please. 

I can’t wait until E-File Eddy gets here……..Blog letter E, and the tax code wear me out!