LETTER A

Years ago, I had a co-op job at Brown University. It was here I met Delta 1, Delta 1.8, and Delta 6, a.k.a, Chris, Michelle, and Greg D (In New England, many people with long Italian names have their last name truncated, “by others” to their last initial; Greg D, Dave I, Mrs. P, Mr. D…….and so on). This was an exciting time in computing for the reason being; the world was only then on the edge of the World Wide Web; WWW. Long before Twitter and Facebook became Kings, there was something reining as the social bastardization of the original “internet.” Yes, go ahead and say it “The Information Super-Highway!” They were called Bulletin Boards, part of the TCP/IP protocol;Transmission Control Protocol/Internet Protocol for you geek savvy types who want me to whisper sweet nothings in your ears; metaphorically speaking (HOLD ME…). The “boards” were splinter groups from the original inhabitants of the “NET”; the Defense Department as well as the scientific and  academic groups exchanging “intelligent information.” 

I would imagine that one day on the cusp of discussing “Win-able Nuclear Wars, and Star Wars Defenses initiatives, “someone” suddenly uttered the question; “Hey, you guys ever see that movie……..,” and the GOPHER Usenet (from the University of Minnesota and BRUNO from Brown) were born. With  Application Layer Protocol; a system to categorize, and archive tons of bits and bytes, of not only “serious” information, but “lighthearted” stuff that included everything from “Baking the greatest chocolate chip cookies” to “Why Dustin Hoffman may…..or may not be one of the greatest actors of all time!”

After the Usenet “Great Renaming” of 1986-1987 (that’s what “they” called it….it cracks me up), there existed 7 dominant Net Hierarchies. When it soon became apparent that more structure was needed, the Alt.* (pronounced; Alt-dot-wildcard) was formed. “Alt.” stood for alternative. It worked like this; start with Alt.Baking which led to Alt.Baking.Cookies to Alt.Baking.Cookies.Chocolate Chip and so on. Just keep adding a “dot” whatever to continue the hierarchy.

Now to the crux of the story (FINALLY Zulu……..you’re hiatus has made your insane ramblings even more incoherent than usual).

Back at Brown, Greg D (Delta 6….or 7) and I (Delta 5) would constantly joke how the ultimate truth in the universe was found on the board Alt.Alien.Vistiors. We would howl at how John Winston would expound furiously about “The Truth Being Out There” long before the X-Files. Yes, when brain-racking, and soul-searching left us no real answers, we could always count on the Alternative sites “Alt.Dot.Anything,” knowing full well what was real, what was suspect, and what was complete nonsense; unlike the clarity of this blog.

All that has changed! Enter Kellyanne Conway; assistant to The Commander In Con (Trump), serial bullshit artist, and parasitic election groupie. Is that too vague?

From Wikimedia; “Alternative facts” is a phrase used by U.S. Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway during a Meet the Press interview on January 22, 2017, in which she defended White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer’s false statement about the attendance at Donald Trump’s inauguration as President of the United States.

Let’s forget all the arguments, morally bankrupt dilemmas, unconscionable behavior and outrageous dis-belief that comes from such a line of logic. The bottom line is; there is NOWHERE in the known universe where an “alleged adult,” much less a spokesperson for the United States, would be allowed to “straight up” get away with such a statement as “He was using Alternative Facts!” Not in court; “Your Honor, I was speeding because I wanted to get here as fast as I could!” Not at school “Professor, either I don’t believe in homework, OR my dog ate mine….either way it’s useless because they don’t have homework in Japan or somewhere I can’t name on a map to help my argument!” Not in modern-day business; “Sure, Enron was corrupt, but they made a lot of money before they were caught, and without money, I’d be on welfare, and costing the taxpayers money….so there, crime pays!”

Let’s leave the Alternative Facts to anything that starts with Alt dot, or at the very least to Sam Cook. (Whattttttt????? Please Zulu….it’s only letter A…pace yourself with the crazy talk!) I leave you with partial lyrics from the great Sam Cook in the very best version of the song “Frankie and Johnny.” When a woman named Frankie discovers her man Johnny fooling around with another woman, she shoots him. As Johnny slowly dies on the hardwood floor in front of her, he throws out some Alternative Facts with his last words. “Frankie, why did you do that? Frankie, you know I love you………..Frankie, I was telling her about you!”

Alternative facts never end well. 

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