Recently, I was sitting around the table with my brothers and sisters one night. The conversation turned to the telephone bill. At this point, my sister said to me; “Zulu, why aren’t you paying your phone bill online, it’s much easier than a “stamp and check.” I said I’ll tell you why. It’s because when I send my check for payment each month to Verizon, I utilize the open space at the bottom left hand corner of the check that says “For.” In that space, I write in “stop tapping my phone!”  Aaaarrrhhh she screamed. “You don’t do that” she yelled. I just looked at her, and smiled. She snapped her head left to right trying in vain to get my brothers to validate her outrage. “Of course he does” my brothers laughed.

Today’s blog is not about illegal wiretapping by Verizon and ATT; the Patriot Act killed that story for us. It’s about finding some clever coping secrets without resorting to violence. It’s for those times when a smile is hard to come by, and you have to continue on. After the illegal, and unwarranted wiretapping scandal came to light, I switched to Qwest for the long distance portion of my phone service. It was to reward them for upholding the law. Unfortunately I had to switch back to Verizon because Qwest had no internet service to offer in my area. There are a few other things I do; some are acts of defiance, and others are just plain fun.

1. Road rage revenge? Sometimes on the interstate, I move into the “high speed  lane,” and drive the  speed limit; never driving faster, never moving to the right, never driving erratic, and never flipping the “bird” to anyone. Some places it’s still 55 MPH. Even the State troopers behind you hate this! Hey, the limit is the limit; “Just following the law sir!”
2. When filling out forms, and they ask me my first name, I type in Sir Zulu. All further mail and correspondences are addressed to “Sir Zulu Delta.” Royalty; it’s good to be me!
3. Nosey retail stores? When stores ask my zip code, I instantly tell them; 60609. All the zip codes where I live start with 0, but when we were kids, and watched the Price is Right during the summer, “Johnny” was always talking about prizes from the “Spiegel Catalog; Chicago, Illinois, 60609.” Extra points if you use the “Johnny voice” when you give the zip code.
4. Telemarketers got you down? Don’t hang up, waste their time. Example; I answer the phone. The “TM” says; “can I speak to Zulu Delta.” I say; “one moment please.” I put the phone on the counter; scream “Zulu, telephone for you!” Then I go outside, mow the lawn, come back later and hang up the phone.
5. Credit card companies and 75% APR cards? Do your best to pay them down, then over pay the remaining balance so “they” own you 3 cents. This keeps your card active but denies them the larger interest rates. It also costs them more than 3 cents in time and postage to keep sending me the bill.

If you’re curious……….yea, I’m still smiling reading this!